Unwholesomely gloomy ( EDITTED )

I'm in the Twilight of my life,

fortune slowly dwindling away

The precarious fate held ceaselessly ahead of me, I wonder when this period of dismal will end. The recent events had me being chagrin deeply. I had no idea on how and what I could possibly do to change anything at all. It is beyond my control. I don't know when my surly sky will turn sunny again. Am I curmudgeons at all? I do not have a very good temper, I know that. But.. I doubt that I'm a difficult person to be with.. Right? I believed it's still tolerable and not that seriously bad.

I had been having weird dreams recently, nightmares that were etched in my mind even when I was awake. In mid-day, parts of it just came flashing past my mind. I wonder whether if it was a bad sign.
I dreamt of my Edward (if you get what I really mean), things happened that were not even close to reality. Yet again, seemed real. I could hardly distinguish the dream from my world to the outside world.

I was feeling so scared and helpless in my dream, he left me alone to fend for myself in an unknown area filled with darkness. Promises were broken, tears were shed. He never showed up for me again. I gone to places that I had never been before, saw people whom I never met before. It was so weird, but then again the dream seemed so real, I returned to the similar dream probably most of the other nights. Only that the situation changes every now and then. The intention is mutual.

Perhaps I am having much troubles right now, mostly circumstances that are beyond my control. That is why my mind is speculating so much over it, subconsciously it is trying to find a way out, to the root of the problem. Come what may, I'm irrefutably lost at the will of another. I guess I can only wait and pray for things to turn for the better, in times to come.. ( I hope.. )


I want to read Breaking dawn. My patience is running low, I can't wait any longer already!!!

P/S. I spotted this clip in Youtube acting out New Moon. It's damn hilarious and obviously for your info it's totally not even close to the story at all. It's just the funny version and just for laugh. HAHA, it's really cute.

I've embedded the twilight version and new moon version. They have so much more other different movie which you can really watch at how creative they are.

This is twilight.



This is New Moon.

I wan to have a Baby too.

It will be a good way to die,
in the place of someone else,
someone I loved

Look at this video of a really adorable baby. Aww.. Makes me wanna have one too... They really brighten up your day! I remember there was once I was sitting on the train where a little boy sat beside me, I think he is most probably 4 or 5 years old. he was playing with his toy on his hand, then he just talked to me randomly. He was smiling and chatting away, I don't know why at the moment when I see him smile, I feel really happy too. They are just so innocently adorable.

But, I believe giving birth is not a really pleasant experience to go through. I shudder at the thought of it mannn. The whole process from being pregnant to actual giving birth. OMG, talking about having labour, I can't imagine how painful it's gonna be. Eww, just thinking of it makes me have goosebumps already. LOL, nevermind, let's stop here.

Football frenzy

Which club you prefer
Man Utd or Liverpool?

Okay, this post is gonna be very random as I'll be talking about football. Well, I'm not really a big football fan who goes to watch every football match that is happening neither am I those girls who dislike football and thinks that it is only for guys.

I have many little boy cousins who loves football. Most of them are either supporter of Man Utd or Liverpool, maybe a handful are Arsenal. I don't really have a particular fancy for any of them, but if I were to choose, it will most probably be Man Utd because maybe I'm influenced by my cousins who wears those AIG jersey. HAHA, and also David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo used to play for the club- I watch them rather than the football itself- LOL. ♥♥♥♥

However, last night when I was switching the channels, I chanced upon the match between Liverpool and Singapore. The match intrigue me as I wonder how Singapore team will fare against the Reds.

When I watched, it was already the second half of the match and Liverpool was leading 3-0. I was so thrilled to see the number of Liverpool fans in the crowd. In the end it was a 5-0 win for Liverpool.

Look at this guy, he's quite cute mann. His name is Fernando Torres if I'm not wrong.

Aww.. so sweet..

HAHAHA. The little boy is so lucky! Among all the sports, I think I like football the most. HAHA. I don't know why but I like guys who play football, I feel that they look so cool when they're playing.

OMG.
I'm so fickle minded. -Vampires/ Werewolves/ Footballer/ .... (what's next?)

Why this apathetic behaviour?

You're the reason for my existence

my Edward=You

I came across these pictures on Flickers where Bella is trying to save Edward from suicidal in New Moon. OMG. It made me can't wait anymore longer for NEW MOON to be in cinema. Please come quickly, Nov 20th.

It makes me so wanting to go to Italy when I read the part where they were in Italy beating the Volturi in time to save Edward. Oh, and talking about that part reminds me of the yellow Porsche that Alice stole, check this link. HAHA, I am drooling for it mannn. I love yellow sports car. I don't know why, though I am not those who really like the colour yellow-I don't dislike it either-. But I think it looks great.

♦♦♦♦
" NO!! Edward please don't die. I'm still alive."

"Open your eyes and look, I'm here"

" You're not dead. I'm not in hell"

"So glad to be able to see you again."

♥♥♥♥

I think I will be watching over and over again when it screened. LOL. Andandand, I can't wait for Breaking Dawn. My stupid sister still haven't finish reading. -.-

I totally heart Edward Cullen and wished that I have a BF like him. SIGH, I'm thinking of uhm... him, again.

Anyway, Breaking Dawn is so much thicker than Eclipse. Oh my.. Guess I'll be needing a much longer time to finish it. HAHA. But it's good mannn, really, it is a good way to spend my time. HAHA. I just love submerging myself into the story.

Just to side track abit, I think that Taylor Launter, ie. Jacob Black looks really hot!!! OMG
This is him with 1 of his fan, and isn't he just so cute??? HAHA. No wonder he is the warm- hot- werewolf. Both are really great guys- in the story- as far as I know. I really envy Bella so much.




Now, I'm not only in love with a vampire, but a werewolf as well. Confusing? Well, Bella knows best! HAHA

I've lost my stand and my strength in life.

Who am I now ?

I could feel your smell in the wind. If we were okay, I'll be happily in your arms now.
but ..................

Don't you ever feel like you miss me?

Why is it that when I'm sad, you don't even feel sorry for me? And perhaps you even kinda felt happier.

I see your initiative. Happier without me ? I guess so, though I feel like crying thinking about it again.

To avoid or overlook is plainly trying to tell me that you can't care less and it's fucking rude.
Please stop wrecking what I'm trying to protect, my heart, our love.
Why is it that you have to avoid topics i asked regarding our r/s?

Can you show some closeness to me in our hearts ? Can you respond to my feelings and needs ? You know what I want, why cannot you give me an answer to end my misery?

My whole body's aching. stomach, legs, head, all for the reason I don't know why. I don't know what I'm doing to myself, torturing myself like that. I don't know what you've done to me, to make me so weak like that. I just feel like lying there and let the virus take its toll.


(I AM MISSING YOU)

YES!!

YOU.
you heard me?

I will love only you
for the rest of my existence

I hate myself.
Why can't I control my temper/emotion?

I'm feeling so pissed off with I don't know what. I guess I need to attend anger management class already. But the problem is I don't know what I am angry about!

I'm feeling so mood less and I'm like a land mine that might just explode if you're not careful. I don't want to be like that, レベッカ can you please calm down? Omg. I think I'm going to go crazy soon.

I don't know whether if it's because of him, maybe, maybe not. I don't know is it because I'm unsure of my exact date of exam therefore I can't decide when to book the air tickets. So many things are clouding my mind right now. Maybe it's also because I can't get to read Breaking Dawn at the moment. Or probably because I feel sorry for Jacob Black's ending in Eclipse.

I'm feeling confused right now. Maybe it's because of him, or Edward. Okay, Edward doesn't link in here. But....
never mind. This is such a ridiculous post.


New Moon-03.12.09
Eclipse-30.06.10 (tentatively)

It's very simple actually
But yet, I can't decide.

(Today's posting will be in French)

Je vous aime pour une éternité

J'ai fini la lecture Eclipse et je pense que j'avais coulé profondément dans leur monde . Je ne peux pas oublier mon Edward Cullen et Jacob Black. Comme l'histoire est dans la perception de Guerres, subconciously que je sens comme je la suis.
Moi aussi, tomber en amour avec Edward et Jacob.

Le soupir, je fantasme alot sur les vampires.

C'est une poste courte aujourd'hui et je suis fini. Bien, c'est surtout me fulminant à ne peut pas habiter en un monde fictif.

Enfin, je veux apprendre vraiment du français. Son une langue stupéfiante et belle. Mais je veux apprendre aussi des Japonais ! Je ne peux pas décider. LOL

Nevermind, je devrais contrarier de mon permis de conduite premièrement avant que je commence à ajouter ces option de langue à ma liste. J'ai besoin de l'argent pour ma leçon pratique. = (

Jusqu'à la prochaine fois. Au revoir...


je vous manque

I'd love a happy ending.

Perfection. Isn't it?